31 Fates Worse Than Death! (#3: Friday the 13th '09)

I have been a supporter of Platinum Dunes since they, against expectations, didn't ruin their remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Sure, they're the biggest bullseye in the "blame Hollywood's lack of creativity for all these pointless horror remakes" game, and their non-remakes are awful, but I make no apologies when I say I not only enjoyed the Platinum Dunes remake of Friday the 13th, but it's one of my favorite horror films of the year.

Whether you agree with that or not (probably not), it's tough to argue that the Michael Bay produced, Marcus Nispel directed reboot of Jason Voorhees doesn't at least feature one hell of a kill in its opening sequence; a kill that widens my eyes every time I see it, a kill that I know is going to make me a little apprehensive the next time I snuggled up to a campfire in my sleeping bag.

I speak, of course, of America Olivo who, after committing the cardinal sin of showing her breasts and having sex, is sealed inside a sleeping bag and hung from a tree over a roaring campfire. At first all we can hear are the screams, which are themselves unsettling, but once we get a full-on shot of that bag thrashing wildly as the flames lick it from below... Everyone else has the benefit of minimal suffering, but not Olivo, which makes her exit not only the most brutal kill of the film, but a triumphant Fate Worse Than Death...

When the sleeping bag finally rips open from the fire and her body spills out, it hits the ground with a sizzling thud that makes any other death in the film a preferable way to go. Hate the movie, but there is no hating that gag.