Blog Roundup

Many, many months ago I was doing some minor research on the French flick Inside when I stumbled upon a review penned by the pseudonymous Count Vardulon, that was, for lack of a better phrase, less than kind. It featured the f-word approximately 160 times and was accompanied by an audio file of the review for added emphasis. Despite my love for the film, I investigated just who this "Count Vardulon" is to see if he was as crazy as he appears to be.

He's crazy alright. Crazy brilliant and crazy hilarious.

Relatively unknown due to a lack of self-promotion, Vardulon's credo is "write harder," a fitting aphorism for a professional writer. In between being anything but laconic concerning the latest episode of CSI: Miami or Criminal Minds, Vardulon spends his nights hating everything and voicing his opinions about it. Given my relative distaste for many horror films, I have often been accused on "not liking movies;" Vardulon takes it to the extreme, but manages to stand out from the pack by providing a healthy mix of opinion, humor and intelligence, the combination of which is a rare treat.

Blog highlights include a running commentary on why the new Indiana Jones film is terrible and the Saw diaries, a film-by-film account of all six Saw films. Beyond writing he co-hosts the AVOD with the Dive Mistress, the Internet's first audio-only video podcast, on which I have been a guest two, count 'em TWO times!

There are a LOT of horror blogs out there, but if you choose to read only a small handful, Castle Vardulon should be on that list. His irreverent humor and unabashed vitriol for the foul writing that plagues television and cinema makes for a damned entertaining read.

It's time for Horror Bites -- your (semi) daily round-up of blood, guts, and torturous mayhem from around the web:

Wondering what scenes will make it from the original Nightmare on Elm Street to the remake? Kellan Lutz gives some clues. [SciFi Wire]

The Hollywood Reporter posts that Len Wiseman is gearing up for an untitled post-apocalyptic thriller.

James Gunn reveals that he must leave the world of Scream Queens behind for his recently greenlit Super. [FEARnet]

Fangoria shares pictures and a trailer for the horror anthology Psycho Street, where you can find tasty slabs of whole-roasted leg.

If you're itching to travel through Dante's Inferno, Dread Central reports that a demo of the game, titled Gates of Hell, will be available this December.

Bloody Disgusting offers a peek at Hilary Swank all bloodied in The Resident.

It's time for Horror Bites -- your (semi) daily round-up of blood, guts, and torturous mayhem from around the web:

Final Girl looks at the many faces -- or lack thereof -- of all the different Silent Hill posters.

Horror is getting real -- Variety reports that Danny Boyle is taking on the story of Aron Ralston -- the man who cut off his limb to save his life after it was caught by a boulder.

Variet
Dread Central shares clips from Descent Part II, and finds out that Bloodrayne 3 will shoot early next year.

According to Bloody Disgusting, Method Man is getting ready to shoot The Mortician 3D.

Topping that off, they share some peeks at the Adrien Brody/Forest Whitaker pic The Experiment.

Kevin Williamson tells MTV that Scream 4 will head back to Woodboro 10 years after the mess in Los Angeles.

FEARnet reports that Let Me In -- the remake of Let the Right One In -- has kicked off in New Mexico, with added cast-members like the excellent Elias Koteas.

If you think Billy Burke is wasted as the dad to a girl lusting for sparkly vamps, check out the trailer for Shadow Play over at Arrow in the Head.

The site also shares an absolutely Poe-free poster for Tell Tale.

And Milla Jovovich has started tweeting from the set of Resident Evil: Afterlife. [via Bloody Disgusting]

It's time for Horror Bites -- your (semi) daily round-up of blood, guts, and torturous mayhem from around the web:

Hello Mr. Fancy Pants! We have to wait to hear if that possible sequel will ever come to fruition, but in the meantime, you can check out the original Evil Dead on select U.S. and Canadian screens soon. Check out the details on FearNet.

According to Bloody Disgusting, Travis Betz will start a horror musical called The Dead Inside next month.

Variety reports that Universal is teaming with TCM to release never-released old-school horror movies like Murders in the Zoo.

The Junkyard Dog isn't only an old-school wrestler. Check out a trailer for Kim Bass' horror flick over at Bloody Disgusting.

AICN shares a gruesome scene from Splatter.

It's time for Horror Bites -- your (semi) daily round-up of blood, guts, and torturous mayhem from around the web:

Director Daniel Myrick tells EW that he might return to the world of Blair Witch.

Luc Besson is working on a film where a young, female reporter battles all sorts of undead things and scary monsters, according to Arrow in the Head.

MTV has nabbed some new stills of the awesome Daybreakers.

Corbin Bernsen has told Fangoria that he wants to make a zombie sports flick.

Trent Haaga, the pen behind Deadgirl, will make his directorial debut with Chop -- so says Dread Central.

Bloody Disgusting reports that Malcolm McDowell has picked up his latest blood-filled gig -- a starring role in Two Wolves.

What would the masses have thought of Splash as a pustule-filled horror film? [via io9]

Variety reports that Comicbook writer Philip Gelatt will bring his home-invasion horror story Country Road K to the big screen.

Not all zombies speak English. Horror Movies.ca shares a trailer for the Chilean zombie flick Blind Dead.

Having trouble finding that special someone? Is there no one out there in the big, scary world that will share with you your love of obscure Italian horror films of the eighties? Fret not, my macabre compatriot, for the internet gods have smiled upon us and unleashed Horror Crush, a free online dating site designed to bring together horror fans worldwide.

From the website:

Horror Crush is the premiere Internet dating network dedicated to uniting horror fans worldwide. Join our community to find that certain someone with the same passions as yours.

Horror Crush is part of the "Fan Crush" network, which counts among its ranks three other free niche dating sites devoted to bringing together fans of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Otaku, which is apparently Japanese animation and manga. Unfortunately, the number of available singles is relatively thin on account of it focusing on a specific group of individuals, so those living in minor cities might be out of luck.

This is seen in the testimony of The Dive Mistress, the proprietor of the outstanding horror blog Zombots!, who signed up for Horror Crush as a sort of social experiment. In the few weeks her profile has been active, it has been viewed approximately 128 people, which is approximately 22% of the entire site.

But don't let this hold you back! In addition to serving as a matchmaking site, Horror Crush features interviews, reviews and original articles on the horror industry. So despite the relative scarcity of members, there's still plenty of goodies with which to whet your horror appetite.

It's time for Horror Bites -- your (semi) daily round-up of blood, guts, and torturous mayhem from around the web:

Has the latest Crow incarnation been "very well received" as Mania reports?

In case you didn't get enough Stan Helsing with the trailer, FEARnet shares six clips and premiere photos.

They also report that Atreyu is serving fans not only with a new video, but also an online shooter called Metalhead Zombies.

A girl tied up? Unpossible! Fangoria has thrown up an all-too-familiar image from Jason Horton's new Trap.

Ready for Kat Von D horror? Bloody Disgusting shares a trailer for The Bleeding, and then some behind-the-scenes footage from Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead.

Brian Bendis tells MTV that his Torso movie is "not dead yet."

It's time for Horror Bites -- your (semi) daily round-up of blood, guts, and torturous mayhem from around the web:

Sad... Vic Mizzy, the Composer of The Addams Family theme, passed away over the weekend. The Vault of Horror shares the theme and a clip in his memory.

Variety reports that the Pastor brothers are returning with the thriller Strange But True, where a girl claims to be carrying her dead boyfriend's child 5 years after he dies.

It seems Zombieland isn't the only blood Jesse Eisenberg has been busy with -- Bloody Disgusting reports that he's got another all wrapped called Camp Hope.

The Hollywood Reporter posts that Mike Mitchell (Sky High) will direct Monster Squad. But don't worry, it's not a remake -- just a new name for the long-in-gestation Nightcrawlers.

Elias Koteas gets to comfort Milla Jovovich in new stills for The Fourth Kind over at Dread Central.

TV names Rhys Coiro, Mia Kirshner, and Harold Perrineau lead the cast for the direct-to-DVD 30 Days of Night sequel, according to Bloody Disgusting.

Arrow in the Head shares some new The Box stills ... and hopefully we can definitely see it all next month.

Just a few days ago my good friend Peter Martin asserted that we should prohibit cell phone usage within movie theater auditoriums. I'd like to take that idea one step further: Let's also eliminate all cell phones from horror films. Why? Because, as the following video clearly (and amusingly) indicates, a cell phone in a horror film is about as useful as a condom in a vasectomy clinic.

Pity the poor screenwriter who must "isolate" his horror film characters for story purposes. And check out how lazy most of 'em are when it comes to taking cell phones out of the equation. ("Ugh, no bars! No signal!") Also, you ever notice how cell phones never work properly in horror movies -- except when it's a horror movie about haunted cell phones? Then you get all the damn signal you want, right?

(Thanks to @flickchart for the heads-up on the video.)