KillerKlownsFromOuterSpace

Yup, Crackle's Zombiefest is a big fat goody bag full of online horror cinema, but let's not forget our old friend FEARnet! Give your horror shelf a break and dig through some of the FEARnet catalog, which this month includes The Seventh Sign, The Gravedancers, Terrorvision, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Infection, Zombie Honeymoon, and Night of the Demons. And that's only the flicks I liked! "Other" offerings include Boogeyman, Catacombs, and Soul Survivors.

Oh, and they've got The Wicker Man! The mega-creepy classic original, and not the hilariously overbaked Nicolas Cage remake. Or if you want to try something new, check out the Fear Clinic.

If your cable box offers FEARnet capabilities, your options are even wider (and freer): The Burning! House of 1000 Corpses! Killer Klowns from Outer Space! The Midnight Meat Train! Sleepaway Camp 2! Return of the Living Dead 3! Oooh, The Wicker Man again! Bottom line: You should always have a horror movie to watch.

The fine town of Austin, Texas, has been overwhelmed by horror films! And I have the next batch! But first, a little history: There once was a man called Zack Carlson, and he was hired to help program films for the Alamo Drafthouse movie theater / restaurant / dream factory. One of Zack's projects was the highly popular Terror Thursday, which meant free horror flicks once a week. The terror has now switched to Tuesdays, which certainly makes more sense in an alliterative way, and the price has now skyrocketed from FREE to ... one dollar. (If you'd like to attend a Terror Tuesday screening and you don't have a dollar, just let me know. I've started a scholarship foundation.)

So mainly because I love Zack and the Alamo, but also because horror movies make me happy, I now bring you the next EIGHT WEEKS of Terror Tuesday titles. (Oooh, now there's an alliteration!) Please keep in mind that, yes, most of these films are readily available on DVD, but also that A) that's not the same as a big screen (and the Alamo only uses actual film prints!), B) it's an excuse to get out of the house, you gore-addicted shut-ins, and C) the Alamo has cheese fries that make other places' cheese fries look like yellow poop on rye.

• 7/7 -- Prince of Darkness
• 7/14 -- Deadtime Stories
• 7/21 -- Re-Animator
• 7/28 -- The House on Sorority Row (with Elvira introducing!)
• 8/4 -- Deathdream
• 8/11 -- Killer Klowns from Outer Space
• 8/18 -- Kingdom of the Spiders
• 8/25 -- 976-EVIL

After the jump: Carlson writes rather pithy synopses for the Alamo Guide. Enjoy!