Machete

By Monika Bartyzel

The Machete casting news is official. Buried in a longer article, Variety has listed the final cast list for the feature-length adaptation of Danny Trejo's man with the knives. Almost all the rumors are correct, with the exception of Jonah Hill. The roster: Trejo, of course, plus Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, and Jeff Fahey.

Strange? Yes. Surprising? Yes. Perfect? I don't know. Now don't get me wrong -- you could fill the film with tween celebs and I'd still head out to see it as long as Danny Trejo was the star. Yet while I usually love big casting twists, this one isn't invoking a reaction either way. It's not due to disinterest, as I've been dying for this to become a reality for a long time -- from rumors of a DVD spin-off, to big-screen potential, to love of Machete as a gun-toter, to silly fangirl hopes from a fake poster.

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By Monika Bartyzel

The time is almost upon us. At first it seemed like a wonderful and impossible rumor. Then it seemed like it could possibly happen. Now, Machete is about a week away from production, and the cast is getting finalized. MTV chatted with Robert Rodriguez at Comic-Con, and the director confirmed some cast, teased about others, and is remaining really tight-lipped until all deals are signed.

Danny Trejo is, of course, holding the machetes and Michelle Rodriguez is definitely on-board. As for De Niro? Hill? The director isn't saying, but he did admit that they've sent the script to lots of big names, one of whom could be Ms. Lindsay Lohan. Rodriguez refused to confirm or deny when he name came up, but did say: "Lindsay's cool. There's actually cool part in the movie for her if she takes it."

A naked nymph in the water perhaps? I mean, The Wackness had Mary-Kate Olson smooching Ben Kingsley, so this isn't that strange. And I can't see there being too many other ladies in the macho-fest. Furthermore, if anything could help Lohan, it's a beloved piece of campy cinema. In fact, this might just beat that old rumor that K-Fed was going to become a John Waters star.

And one last nibblet: Rodriguez says that what's planned for the pic "far surpasses" the trailer. Is that even possible?

While you'll have to file this firmly under "rumor" and "dreams," you can do an air punch at the very thought of just who Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis lined up for Machete. Bloody Disgusting reports that joining Danny Trejo in the Grindhouse spin-off are the following: Michelle Rodriguez, Jonah Hill, and (wait for it) Robert DeNiro.

Pause for a moment and repeat that: Robert DeNiro will share the screen with Danny Trejo in Machete. While it's still unconfirmed, BD notes that the source is none other than the one who sent them news of the Alien and Predator reboots, and those turned out to be true. So you can keep hope alive that you'll see DeNiro rocking the grindhouse world.

Machete will (obviously) revolve around the main character who is an ex-Federale who is gifted with a blade. He hides out as a day laborer, and works for an organization headed by a state senator. After he's double crossed by the corrupt Senator McLaughlin (DeNiro), he takes his vicious revenge. That's all we know for now, except that promises a dash of social commentary among all the hacking, slicing, and topless girl fondling -- and maybe, just maybe, Danny Trejo putting a bladed smackdown on Robert freaking DeNiro.

By Jenni Miller

James Wallace over at Gordon and the Whale had the cojones to corner Danny Trejo at CineVegas and got some tasty details from the tattooed tough guy.

Trejo confirmed that he is still starring in Robert Rodriguez's Machete as the title character, and that it's going to start filming in just five short weeks. Machete started as one of the fake trailers in Grindhouse, which was, some might say, one of the best parts of the double feature. The other fake trailer rumored to get the full-length treatment, Eli Roth's Thanksgiving, is listed as in development on IMDb, but as the other news from Trejo proves, even IMDb sometimes gets it wrong.

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