StormWarning

I'm noticing a chauvinistic theme emerging in this column relating to our own junk and how we perceive assaults on said junk to be worse than death. And yes, this particular fate does befall a total backwoods d-bag who completely deserves it. But we the male writers of Horror Squad have a great fondness for the hanging endowments God gave us and it makes us wince to witness any man suffer penile punishment. The trap she sets for him seems to be another incarnation of the vagina dentata myth and actually does represent a fitting retribution for rape. Still? Ouch.

Check out Storm Warning if you can find it in the states. The first two acts are a little pedestrian, but the finale is a half hour of non-stop carnage. Also look for the fish hook trap that the wife sets up in the barn as it is also wonderfully wicked.

The recent retail release of Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead got me wondering what it is about the rolling, forested hills of America that lend the setting so well to backwoods horror movies, particularly those featuring deranged families. Obviously the endless, looming trees make it easy to get lost and the proclivity of locals to have only enough teeth to open a beer can with makes for a batch of kin best left alone, but psychotic inbred families must also live outside West Virginia, right? Surely America doesn't have a monopoly on city folk out of their element.

So I started squeezing together my mind grapes and came up with a list of the best murderous hillbillies from all over the globe: