TerrorTapes

Welcome back to Terror Tapes; the weekly feature that would have served us well had we launched Horror Squad back in 1981. Each week I fly in the face of modern technology and submerge myself in a sea of videotape. My goal is to see any and all horror titles that were abandoned in the great format upgrade...for better or for worse. Sometimes I will discover gems whose relegation to forgotten formats represents a true tragedy of technological advancement. Conversely there will also be occasions when I wonder why anyone bothered to recommend a given title for home viewing in the first place; as audiences would have surely been adequately assaulted by the film in theaters.

Today's tape: Nightmares, 1983

Once upon a time I started a feature called Terror Tapes here at Horror Squad. My vision was to give unsung, sometimes for good reason, horror films that never made the format leap from VHS to DVD their moment in the sun. Being that Austin is the home of the two greatest video stores known to man, Vulcan Video and I Luv Video, it seemed the ideal outlet for my already obsessive renting habits. I was enjoying hunting for titles and researching each one to make sure it was unavailable on DVD. The films displayed a range in quality that can only be accurately measured by the Hubble telescope, but there were a few winners and in the bunch. Hell, even the worst of these tapes proved entertaining for one reason or another.

But then tragedy struck, my VCR died. I found that it was much harder to procure a replacement in Austin than I could have possibly imagined. For what seemed an eternity, I wanted for low caliber films in Hi-Fi. Then, as if ordained by Cthulu himself, one of my like-minded horrophiles presented me with not one but two VCRs; a donation to perpetuate the madness of Terror Tapes. I want to extend a special thanks to Noah Lee, loyal reader and commenter here at Horror Squad, for his generosity.

To repay him, I am subjecting everyone to The Outing.

Just when you thought it was safe to discard your VCR, the triumphant return of Terror Tapes. Yes ghoulies, I am back from a long sabbatical to once again bring you what no one ever asked for: horror films on VHS. Through only a partial fault of my own, there is no slowing the passage of time. As one decade slips slowly to the shadow of another, certain beloved objects are bested by innovation and forgotten. Basically, what I'm saying is I want my freaking VHS back dammit! As much as I whine, I am fully aware of not only the improvement in picture quality offered by DVD and Blu-ray but the preservation benefits as well, but some part of me will always long for the days of giant videocassette cases with elaborately painted cover art that was often far more impressive than the films contained within. To wit I offer The Spookies.

Hello again and welcome back to Terror Tapes; your one-stop-shop for horror films that languish away in forgotten formats. As a stalwart proponent of the wonder that is VHS, I must admit that sometimes the films I see on those glorious tapes have at some point made the jump to DVD. Scandal! The idea behind this column was to tap the wealth of VHS titles offered by Austin's behemoth local videostores. But I understand the necessity for standards and can see the legitimacy behind someone crying foul. However this particular film had an American DVD release that has long since been out of print. So, barring paying upwards of $75 to a private seller online, I believe this VHS still very much qualifies. This is a stroke of luck as I am incredibly excited about today's entry: Fair Game.

Well it's that time again. Time for me to go spelunking into the darker recesses of hard to find horror. Normally I hit up one of Austin's prestigious local videostores to track down a VHS gem that was never polished enough to shine on DVD. But today's entry is going to be a little different. Today I've gotten my hands on the horror equivalent of unobtanium. I have managed to secure a laserdisc copy of Michael Mann's fantasy/horror classic The Keep. You remember laser discs right? They were roughly the size of a large pizza and required a player that would put serious strain on the foundation of your home should you actually install one in your livingroom. They were essentially a precursor to DVD; laserdisc is to DVD as St. Louis Cardinals Mark Mcgwire is to Oakland A's Mark Mcgwire. Everyone remembers VHS because it was a format that caught on and was prevalent for many years, but laserdisc never found the same toehold and thus its collapse went largely unnoticed. But as an unofficial defender of lost formats, I have obtained a laserdisc player and actually bought this film sight unseen on ebay. Let's see if I escape The Keep with my mammoth player in tow.

Hello and welcome to Terror Tapes! This is the Horror Squad weekly feature fully endorsed by Vestron Video and the Cannon Group...in my head at least. Each week I pillage the film archives that are Austin's local videostores and bring you dusty old relics of a lost era. Turns out the horror genre has one of the biggest back-log of titles that were tragically abandoned on the doorstep of the video orphanage. Well, actually if you've been following this feature you'll know that most of these films are better off sheltered from the cruel, discriminating world of DVD. Nevertheless, like Daddy Warbucks I will continue to adopt these titles, at least for a weekend, in an ongoing effort to find a few that can thaw my icy, Blu-ray-loving heart. I have an abundance of optimism about today's title: Blood Beach. Let's see if we hit it off and foster a bond through the magic of montage!

Welcome back to Terror Tapes. The weekly feature where I trudge through the celluloid sewer trying hard to stay at least moderately dry. So far I have stepped foolishly into piles of rancid video tape but I am confident there is something of incalculable value floating among the waste. The movies I watch for this column are typically the ones that never made the leap to DVD; for one glaringly obvious reason or another. An alarming commonality with horror films, both presently and in the heyday of my beloved format, is the in-name-only sequel.

Basically a movie is released in theaters that resonates with audiences, even the grindhouse or midnight movie set, and studios get greedy. Suddenly, or in this particular case 11 years later, a sequel is released that has little to nothing to do with the original in the hopes that enough of its fans will be duped into paying admission. I love Alligator (1980) so I was thrilled to come across a VHS of the follow-up Alligator II: The Mutation (1991) and even more thrilled to discover that finding it on DVD is as feasible as finding an actual alligator in a New York sewer.

Good evening children of the night. Welcome back to Terror Tapes; the only Horror Squad weekly feature that the FCC warns may cause seizures. Every week I scout plots in the wastelands of forgotten formats hoping to strike a wealth of great films. While I have tapped a few fantastic relics, the majority of the fare' have seen would be most aptly categorized as sewage. But still, I greet each square, transparent box with unbridled anticipation. I live for the chase; the hunt. Will today's film, The Uncanny, represent another completely wasted afternoon, or have' finally found my ultimate strike?

Welcome back to Terror Tapes; the weekly feature that would have served us well had we launched Horror Squad back in 1981. Each week I fly in the face of modern technology and submerge myself in a sea of videotape. My goal is to see any and all horror titles that were abandoned in the great format upgrade ... for better or for worse. Sometimes I will discover gems whose relegation to forgotten formats represents a true tragedy of technological advancement. Conversely there will also be occasions when I wonder why anyone bothered to recommend a given title for home viewing in the first place; as audiences would have surely been adequately assaulted by the film in theaters. Since the commencement of this project, my record for quality versus dreadful films stands at 2-1. Let's see if today's selection, Berserk, strengthens the lead for quality or dismally evens the score.

Hello again and welcome back to Terror Tapes. This is the weekly feature wherein I travel through miles and miles of VHS tape; a video nomad struggling to stay connected with his past. No that's too much. I wouldn't necessarily paint myself as a film historian, but I do find it fascinating just how many horror films, created during the height of the VHS craze, never made the jump to DVD. I mean we have the very real danger here of sacrificing some truly lost classics to the sands of time. On the other hand, it is sometimes fortunate that some of these films missed the boat so as to not infect future generations of horrophiles with their nightmarish ineptitude. Case in point: Ghostriders. Read on at your own peril.