TexasChainsawMassacre

An old friend of mine recently rolled into town needing a place to set up camp for a while, so of course I came to the rescue. She's the type of pal who I can just pick back up with after not having seen her for years. One of the great memories we share is when we would wreak havoc at slumber parties.

Nothing beat getting together with a gang of my best girlfriends, devouring sugary snacks, playing ridiculous games and watching movies by the bucket load. My friend often hosted these gatherings and had two very laid back parents who left us to our own devices, which allowed me to become indoctrinated into the world of some delicious video nasties. It also helped that she had an older brother who was always followed by a billow of smoke, wore Evil Dead t-shirts and quoted every nerd-tastical horror flick you can possibly imagine. He granted us access to his nefarious VHS collection and for that I will be forever grateful. My horror schooling at home was strong, but there were some movies -- The Last House on the Left comes to mind -- that were just a wee bit uncomfortable to watch with my parents.

Since my friend has arrived, we've spent most of our nights curled up in blankets and digging into my movie collection, revisiting some of the flicks we adored watching during sleepovers. We used to watch all the classics (The Exorcist, Evil Dead II, A Nightmare on Elm Street, etc.), but the nights we went beyond the standard fare were always more memorable. Pass the cheese doodles, turn off the lights and get cozy with my top five slumber party picks!

With the announcement of Carrie making a return to the Broadway circuit after a short-lived disastrous first go-round, I'm left holding my head and wondering, "Why?" Horror musicals are like your socially awkward cousin. You know, the one who talks too much and quite possibly bears an uncanny resemblance to Franklin from Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

Is it fair to hold the horror musical to the same standards as the dastardly horror film remakes that seem to be happening in droves? I don't think I can help it. Few horror musicals have been born from an original idea which leaves me with the same funny feeling. I'm well aware that remakes have been happening since the dawn of time but this kind of remake is worse. When you add the word 'musical' to anything it evokes a horrible visceral reaction within many people. Adding it to the word horror just seems like a bastardized and shrieking kind of wrong.

Isn't the comical genius of Young Frankenstein and Evil Dead perfect as is? Young Frankenstein was a parody. So, is a mugging Dr. Frankenstein belting out a song called Transylvania Mania anything other than pointless and silly? The film Cannibal! The Musical, another intentional parody by beloved low-budget Troma Entertainment, has more class by comparison. Even Cronenberg's The Fly has been made into an opera, but they don't have me fooled. Adding the smooth vowel-ridden word to the title doesn't soften the blow. In fact, it's almost more cruel. However, Repo! The Genetic Opera would probably disagree with me.

Commuting to work sucks, we all know this. But there's no reason that it has to be the mind-numbing, soul-sucking chore that it is. If you're one of the millions whose commute takes place entirely in a car, then I apologize, as I believe the following is illegal in most states; but if you take a bus or a train to work, first pat yourself on the back for trying to minimize your carbon footprint, and then when you're done with that head over to iTunes to download Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer and/or the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which are newly available on the service. We're going to try a little experiment.

Next time you're sitting there with your iPhone out or your preferred portable media player of choice, fire up a little McNaughton or Hooper love and see how long it takes the person next to you to glance at what you're watching and turn away in disgust. And if they fail to notice you, just slowly inch closer to them until they do. For best effect, try to wear a blood stained wife beater just like Michael Rooker. Also, have a friend sitting on the opposite side of the bus and/or train recording the whole thing and then upload their reactions to YouTube. It'll be a new craze, now we just need a catchy name for it...

Sound like too much work? Ah, you're probably right. Oh well, you can still enjoy the movies even without creeping out strangers.

All it takes is one solid remake (like this one) to generate one half-hearted prequel (like this one), but now that the Texas Chainsaw Massacre property has moved over from New Line / WB / Platinum Dunes to the production company known as Twisted Pictures (creators of the Saw series) we can expect a small jolt of energy from the new producers. (I hope.) The fact that the next Chainsaw is being considered for the 3-D treatment has me feeling a little annoyed, but of course it's unfair to knock a project before it's finished. And this one's not even finished the screenplay stage.

Shock has a few words from producer Mark Burg on where he'd like to see Leatherface go for his next flick, and here's a key passage: "What we're going to do with it is bring it to 2010 ... Make it current day and come up with a new story that takes some of the basic plot points, if you will, and make it a current day movie. I don't want to make another Chainsaw in the '70s, that doesn't thrill me." Now, before you crucify the guy for daring to take the Chainsaw out of the '70s, think about it: I agree with Mr. Burg. No matter how iconic that setting is ... it's been done (and done damn well) several times already. The screenwriter on the clock is Mr. Stephen Susco, he of both American Grudge flicks and the solid indie thriller Red.

So the Platinum Dunes fellows managed to bat .500 with this legendary horror franchise. Only seems fair to give the new guys the same shot. For more on the early stages of the next Chainsaw outing, check STYD.

Everyone knows Platinum Dunes was the driving force behind 2003's Marcus Nispel directed remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (as well as its 2006 prequel), but what you might not have realized is that the studio had only signed with the film's original rights holders on a picture-by-picture basis. And now that Platinum Dunes has moved on to Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger, their interest in 'ole Leatherface has waned. Enter Twisted Pictures, the company best known for milking the blood drenched bones of the Saw franchise, who have now acquired the rights to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre family.

Now say what you will about Platinum Dunes two at-bats with the cannibalistic inbred Hewitt family - I actually think Nispel's film is one of the more respectful remakes of the new wave of Hollywood's catalog digging - but at least Michael Bay's company kept the film in its 1970s setting. Twisted Pictures, according to Variety, plan to not only bring the Hewitt clan to the present day, but they're going to bring all the meat-hook slamming, skin-wearing, chainsaw-revving imagery into the third dimension to boot.

I've gotten behind on my usually-faithful upkeep of a monthly DVD guide, so when Weinberg sent a long a list of all the titles hitting shelves today, I was a little overwhelmed. My wallet has been taking a pounding lately, and this new crop of catalog films newly minted for Blu-ray is certainly not going to let up on the beat down.

Best of the New Releases: Grace, "Fear Itself"
Paul Solet's pregnancy horror film Grace has already been covered here and there on HorrorSquad, but I'll re-cap: I don't like it, Weinberg loves it, and Goss likes it, but doesn't love it. The Blu-ray has been available for the past few weeks exclusively at Best Buy, but today marks the expansion of the both the Grace Blu and DVD flavors to all fine retailers.

The other noteworthy title of the week is the release of NBC's "Masters of Horror" spin-off, "Fear Itself". I haven't seen all of the episodes in the set, mainly because NBC didn't air them all, but it's like all other horror anthology shows. Some episodes work, most don't. I've got a soft-spot for anthologies, though, so this is a rental queue jumper for me.