michelle rodriguez

By Monika Bartyzel

The Machete casting news is official. Buried in a longer article, Variety has listed the final cast list for the feature-length adaptation of Danny Trejo's man with the knives. Almost all the rumors are correct, with the exception of Jonah Hill. The roster: Trejo, of course, plus Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, and Jeff Fahey.

Strange? Yes. Surprising? Yes. Perfect? I don't know. Now don't get me wrong -- you could fill the film with tween celebs and I'd still head out to see it as long as Danny Trejo was the star. Yet while I usually love big casting twists, this one isn't invoking a reaction either way. It's not due to disinterest, as I've been dying for this to become a reality for a long time -- from rumors of a DVD spin-off, to big-screen potential, to love of Machete as a gun-toter, to silly fangirl hopes from a fake poster.

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While you'll have to file this firmly under "rumor" and "dreams," you can do an air punch at the very thought of just who Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis lined up for Machete. Bloody Disgusting reports that joining Danny Trejo in the Grindhouse spin-off are the following: Michelle Rodriguez, Jonah Hill, and (wait for it) Robert DeNiro.

Pause for a moment and repeat that: Robert DeNiro will share the screen with Danny Trejo in Machete. While it's still unconfirmed, BD notes that the source is none other than the one who sent them news of the Alien and Predator reboots, and those turned out to be true. So you can keep hope alive that you'll see DeNiro rocking the grindhouse world.

Machete will (obviously) revolve around the main character who is an ex-Federale who is gifted with a blade. He hides out as a day laborer, and works for an organization headed by a state senator. After he's double crossed by the corrupt Senator McLaughlin (DeNiro), he takes his vicious revenge. That's all we know for now, except that promises a dash of social commentary among all the hacking, slicing, and topless girl fondling -- and maybe, just maybe, Danny Trejo putting a bladed smackdown on Robert freaking DeNiro.