werewolf

With Famous Monsters of Filmland Magazine resurrected and their own convention on the way, it's not surprising that a distributor took notice and set out to bring some famous monsters to the big screen (well, at least your TV screen ... ). Halcyon International Pictures (Re-Animator, Bride of Re-Animator) has teamed up with the monster mavens to bring forth a series of creature features featuring five of horror's most iconic baddies in what they're calling, Famous Monsters of Filmland: Reboot.

Monster madness will be in full swing with these low budget lovelies currently in production: Dracula: Reborn, Mummy: Resurrected, Frankenstein: Regenerated, Werewolf: Rebellion and Creature: Returns. No other distribution info is available at this time but Halcyon did dish up some promo art and a trailer which you can check out over here. The company hasn't confirmed if this is just a promo reel or actual footage from the movies (which may explain why some of the art looks like your boozy Uncle Bill gussied up in Halloween makeup), so bite your tongue until we get the final word from Halcyon and let's keep our fingers crossed for some fun monster flicks.

If you're trying to capitalize on a particular trend, I guess the tweener demographic is an easy target. Throw some good looking kids into supernatural circumstances, add some post-adolescent angst. Shop at Hot Topic and make your kids all brooding and serious, bursting with repressed sexuality.

And you thought the horror wrought by a certain "vampire" film was limited to the books, movies, and a few sequels. No, in the shadow of Twilight comes Neowolf! It's got a kickass name and is full of rockin'. Go to the official homepage here to check out just how hard they're gonna rock your face off. They've got the smoldering looks, the ridiculous guitars, and a font that is on loan from 1986.

Synopsis

Neowolf is the sexy thriller starring Agim Kaba (TV's "As the World Turns") and Emmy nominated Veronica Cartwright (The X Files, The Witches of Eastwick) in a story of a young musician seduced by a touring rock band called Neowolf with a mysterious past and a hungry habit that comes with the full moon.

Neowolf!!! Yes, I was screaming that as I typed it. And then I laughed. And then I wept.

The trailer is past the jump. It, too, is full of RAWK. And sadness.

Werewolf of London (1935), The Wolf Man (1941), Curse of the Werewolf (1961). An American Werewolf in London, The Howling, and Wolfen all showed up in 1981. Later we got Ginger Snaps and Dog Soldiers. I've skipped over stuff like Silver Bullet, Bad Moon, and Underworld because even if you think they're half-decent werewolf movies -- you probably don't think they're fantastic werewolf movies. Hell, I only included the very dry Wolfen up top because it's weird that three(!) werewolf movies came out in 1981!

Clearly my assertion is that there aren't really all that many GOOD werewolf movies. I will now take that assertion and stretch it like so much bubble gum ... and there: I now have a specious piece of logic that says MOST werewolf movies are crap.(Wolf? Blood and Chocolate? I Was a Teenage Werewolf? Cursed? Don't make me laugh. And the name of that witless "Paris" sequel will go unmentioned on this website.) Actually that's not entirely accurate either because, really, we don't really GET all that many werewolf movies these days. And I think I know why:

He's boring.

The coolest vampires are both alluring and revolting. They're fascinating and gross at the same time. Frankenstein's near-mindless monster is also intriguing: would a big mixture of body parts be able to feel human? And what would the inside of that creature's brain feel like? It's just a creepy concept. Dr. Jekyll, The Invisible Man, hell, even the boring bandage-pile known as The Mummy is more interesting than the werewolf.

The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism

Director Harald Reinl spent most of his career making adaptations of the Karl May and Edgar Wallace books but managed to turn out The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism (Die Schlangengrube und das Pendel) starring Christopher Lee, Lex Baxter (yep, Tarzan) and Natalie Wood look-a-like Karin Dor. The story is based on Edgar Allan Poe's The Pit and the Pendulum. Poe's tale takes place during the Spanish Inquisition. The narrator of the story is charged for an unnamed crime, then locked in a dungeon where implements of doom force him closer to a large, deep pit in the floor which will send him falling to his death.

There's tons of Gothic-kitsch torture traps in Dr. Sadism, along with a pistol carrying priest, hilarious effects (green blood!), a psychadelic creature mural and a soudtrack that resembles some kind of 60's swing-pop/lounge music which is completely out of place but entertaining. In the movie's start we meet Count Regula (Christopher Lee) who has been found guilty of torturing and murdering 12 women in his far away castle. He's sentenced to be quartered, fitted with a spiky mask and then torn apart by horsies in the town square. Fast forward to present day and Count Regula's story has become the equivalent of a carny sideshow act but most of the townsfolk are terrified at the mere sound of his name. Leading lovelies Roger von Marienberg (Lex Baxter) and Baroness Lilian von Brabant (Karin Dor) are mysteriously lured to the Count's castle on the hill where they soon learn why they were selected for sadistic torture and mayhem.

So, you're 16 and a total outcast, but you're kinda hot and into gore galore. Surely this drives all the horror fanboys mad--biding time until the right moment when they can woo you with their impeccable taste for terror. Truth is, you'd totally make out with them, but they're too scared to approach you and puberty has left you devoid of social know-how. This leaves you with the football players or other average morons who don't get you but want to sleep with you. Now you can probably understand why Ginger Fitzgerald in Ginger Snaps equates hormonal distress with hell on earth--otherwise known as high school.

When Ginger finally 'becomes a woman' things just get worse, period. Her little sister is freaked out, her mother announces it to everyone at the dinner table (with cake!) and she gets bitten by a wolf while trying to enact some good old-fashioned revenge on a classmate. After the attack she notices her body changing into something more...wild. It's not easy to hide a tail in your skinny jeans and the fur sprouting in strange places is definitely not hot, but all that is forgotten when something stronger calls to her. Suddenly the jocks don't seem like jerks and Ginger's new-found sexual energy is all consuming, literally. Horny turns to horrific when her romp with a few boys turns them into a tasty snack. As Ginger's transformation progresses, her humanity slips and everything becomes jeopardized, including her close relationship with her sister Brigitte.

At one point in the film Ginger says to Brigitte, "A girl can only be a slut, a bitch, a tease, or the virgin next door." Now, Ginger can't be any of those things if she wanted to. It's hard to celebrate your femininity and sexuality when you only have the need to feed.